She opened the room’s door and was surprised to see an equally shocked Fr. Nicholas in the room. He was at his table, glasses perched on his nose. He was reading through a big book in front of him, it would seem.
“I’m sorry Father. Tina said you weren’t around.” She stammered. “Good evening Father.”
“She was at the back when I came in.” His gaze travelled to the cleaning materials she was holding. “She sent you here to clean?”
“Yes, Father. She’s supervising the others, so she asked me to help her clean your room before you returned.” Tessa felt uncomfortable under his scrutinizing gaze.
He stood up and moved towards his TV. “Don’t let me stop you.”
“I hope I didn’t interrupt your reading.”
“Not at all. I was just trying to add finishing touches to my homily for tomorrow.” He made himself comfortable on the bed as the TV came on.
Tessa didn’t say anything after that. She worked in silence and prayed he would leave the room and stop following her every move with his sharp gaze.
***
Fr. Nicholas wondered if he should feel guilty about his growing affection for the girl. He looked forward to seeing her every Saturday and Sunday evening. It was already thirty days since the first day they met and he couldn’t help but feel he had known her forever. Her smile, her quirky retorts and her intelligence. She had gotten over her initial shyness with him and they were already fast friends. He also enjoyed listening to how she spent her days every night; he also couldn’t have chosen a better person to recount the events of his days to.
He felt miserable. Not in mind, but in body. He was down with malaria and flu. Boss had thankfully reduced his workload that week, so he could recover faster. But that Sunday evening, his temperature was off the charts, his nose was blocked and his head felt like a marching band was performing in there. His door opened after a slight knock.
He smiled and felt a bit better when Tessa came in. She was still in the red gown she wore to Mass that morning.
“Have I told you how beautiful you looked to church this morning?” His congested nostrils made his voice weird.
“You’re just teasing me.” She chuckled and came to sit beside him on the bed. “You look awful.”
“Wow, thanks. Way to make a guy feel better in front of his crush.” He grumbled.
She laughed out loud. She also placed a hand on his forehead. “Father. You’re burning up.”
“I’m fine Tess.”
She rolled her eyes and ignored his protests as she stood up and walked towards his bathroom. She returned after a few seconds with a small towel. She placed it on his forehead and the sharp contrast in temperature made him shiver.
“Have you even had anything to eat? Don’t tell me you’re still observing the Lenten fast in this condition.” She sounded like his mother at that moment.
He pointed at the food flask on the table. “Tina brought me something to eat. I haven’t been chanced to open it.”
She stood up and brought the flask with the plate and spoon beside it. She dished what appeared to be fried snails inside pepper soup into the plate and covered what was left in the flask.
“Oya, sit up.” She commanded. He chuckled, my small mummy.
“Yes, ma.” He obeyed her and stretched out his hands for the plate.
She shook her head and started feeding him by herself instead. “Open up. You have to finish this before it gets cold.”
New and strange feelings suddenly enveloped him. He couldn’t explain how he felt, but it felt warm and felt like love. I love her, he thought. He must have been staring at her because she suddenly stopped feeding and was looking at him too.
“Why are you suddenly looking at me like that?” She whispered.
He didn’t reply. His gaze travelled to her lips. They suddenly looked even more inviting than usual. He noticed her gaze was moving his eyes and lips. He had restrained himself from any physical reaction to her, but his defences were suddenly crumbling. They were now at breath’s length; who moved towards whom?
The closest he had gotten to touching her was when he had to hug her. She was crying because of some issues with her result and a lecturer who was delaying it on purpose because she rebuffed his advances. She was frightened because she felt she wouldn’t be able to go for youth service with her mates.
The door suddenly opened and Tina poked her head in. That girl really needed to learn how to knock.
“Sorry father. I wanted to see how you were doing.” Tina came inside, a very suspicious expression on her face.
He nodded at her. “I’m much better thank you.”
Tessa stood up and dropped the plate she was holding. “Easter is in ten days Father. You need to be fine.”
“Thank you, dear. Take care of yourself.”
“Theresa, come back here.” Tina stopped Tessa on her way out of the parish house.
She turned around and smiled at the scowling girl. She knew Tina was pissed at her since she started getting closer to Fr. Nicholas. She had realised too late that her friend liked the young priest. But she wasn’t going to forsake her happiness for someone else.
“Yes, Clementina. What’s up?”
Tina moved closer and brought her voice down. “Look, I have to say this to you as a friend. I know you like Fr. Nicholas and I don’t blame you. He’s kind and good-looking. But you have to know that even though he seems infatuated with you right now, he’s got someone he loves and she loves him back. Has he ever mentioned Ann to you before?”
Tessa was quiet. She just stared at the girl and recalled seeing frequent calls from an Ann on his phone several times. But she wasn’t going to dignify any of Tina’s claims with a response. John suddenly walked around the corner and Tina called to him.
With a malicious smile on her face, she asked him about Ann.
“Oh, Father’s woman? She travelled to the North. She’ll be back after Easter.” John responded and continued on his way.
“See? You’re just something to warm the body during Ann’s absence. You need to see this lady though. Sophisticated and closer to his age. You should move back now before you get hurt. Take my advice.” Tina suddenly sounded like she cared.
Tessa shook her head. “Thank you for the concern, but it’s not needed. Fr. Nicholas and I are just good friends, nothing more. He’s just an ordinary friend to keep me company till I have to go for service. Nothing more, nothing less.”
She then turned around and left with tears pooling in her eyes and a heart that suddenly felt too heavy for her ribcage.
***
Fr. Nicholas couldn’t believe his ears. An ordinary friend? Nothing more nothing less? Someone to while away the time with before service? He had walked in on that part of her conversation with Tina. His chest suddenly felt physically painful. Was this how his boss felt when Ann, his close friend, left for the North without a goodbye? The older man had been devastated for a few days.
He walked towards Clementina who was setting the table for dinner. She looked up and stopped what she was doing when she saw him.
“Father, you’re looking better.”
“Yes, thank you, Tina. I have a question for you please and I want you to be honest with me.” He sat at the table.
“Okay, Father.”
“What can you tell me about Tess and people of the opposite sex?” He was going to be direct with his questions.
“Oh, that one? She is a very randy girl oh. Used to date Austin, Vincent and Basil back then. She was in year one at the University here when she got pregnant. Though it was covered up, few of us found out. She moved to Gaye City University after. I heard from my cousin there that she has a son. Now three years old. Still hasn’t learned her lessons though. She cannot wait to get to youth camp, so she said.”
Fr. Nicholas was quiet long after that. His heart squeezed tightly in his chest. Tess has a son? So, he was just a fool. She played him. He fell for a girl for the first time since he was ordained and it ended like this. It suddenly didn’t feel like he was in a Domus Pacis anymore. It was a house of pain and not peace.
***
Fr. Nicholas threw the small phone against the wall and the sound of the shatter echoed the sound of his own heart. He had messed up. Big time. He had let his heart think for him instead of his brain. After discussing with his boss, Father had informed him that he suggested Tessa’s transfer to her parent. She was a victim of rape and she got pregnant after.
How she refused abortion despite pressure from people. How she was known to be one of the most decent girls in the church before she left. He had jumped to conclusions too soon. He had accused her after Tina spoke to him that day. It was Holy Thursday and Tessa was no longer picking up his calls. He didn’t see her in church either.
Despite her pleas, he had not listened. He thought she was trying to make a fool out of him. He remembered telling her to never call him again, in the coldest voice he could muster.
He overheard a few choristers talking about how she had moved back to Gaye City for personal reasons. He had rushed back to his room after the washing of feet to call her and she wasn’t picking up anymore. Oh God, what have I done?
***
As Tessa waited in line for confession she reflected on the pains of the last few days. She never should have lied about the reasons for moving to Gaye City University. But she didn’t think he would take Tina’s words over hers. Something else must have triggered that unbelief.
He was the one using her, wasn’t he? He had Ann after all. She knew she was going to be fine. Love in the Domus Pacis was fun while it lasted. As she knelt at the confessional with a heavy heart, she wished for a better Easter.
“Bless me Father for I have sinned….”
